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How to Make Coffee


How to make coffee, coffee is delicious, you want to know how to make coffee, I am here to help showing you how to just make some freaking coffee!

First of all, this is in no way a how to on making any sort of gourmet coffee...this article was put up as a test, but I saw a few people had read I decided to actually add something to it.

There are a few ways that you can go about this...the first is the machine that most people have in their break room at work, and it is by far the easiest.
  • Find the coffee packets...they're usually about 6 inches tall, about 4 inches wide, and beige/gray in color. They're porous and have ground up coffee inside...there are usually 3-4 of them sealed inside of a plastic pouch...either find an open pouch and take one, or open a pouch and take one. Found the coffee bag? Great!
  • Turn the warmer on...there are usually some orange rocker switches near the top of the machine (sometimes they're also on the bottom, but they're almost always orange)...turn the switch to "on". (This turns on the heating element in the bottom of the machine so that the pot stays warm. In some cases, this also turns on the water warming mechanism...if you're actually just trying to get hot water, turn on one of the heating elements and wait about 5 minutes).
  • Heater is on? Awesome! Now, near the top of the machine, there is a basket that the coffee bag goes inside of. It's probably black and has a handle on the front. Pull the handle towards you and the basket will slide out.
  • Put the bag in the basket and put the basket back on the machine (it slides on).
  • Now you need to find two coffee pots...go find them
  • Take one of the coffee pots and put it on the warmer, right under the basket with the bag in it.
  • Take the other coffee pot and fill it 3/4 full of water from the sink (filtered water is better)
  • There should be a door on the top of the coffee machine (it's probably marked "water"), flip it up...does it look like you can pour water in there? Good...poor the water in there
  • Wait a few seconds, the machine should make some slight gurgling noises and coffee should start coming out.
  • Stand there and wait for a few seconds...maybe bullshit with your coworkers...ask them what they're doing over the weekend.
  • Has coffee stopped coming out? It's all done! Pour it in a cup and do stupid things faster and with more energy!
The next way is much tastier and, in my opinion, much easier. To do it, you need a tea pot (for boiling water) a coffee grinder, and a french press.
  • Open the top of your coffee grinder...there should be a little "nipple" on the top of where the blades are...fill the grinder until the nipple is just barely visible (this could be wrong, but this is how my mom taught me to do it).
  • There is a button on the top of the grinder...put the top on (so you don't cut a finger off) and press and hold the button for a few seconds (until the coffee looks like coffee grounds and not coffee beans).
  • Take the plunger part out of your french press so that you just have a glass thing with a handle on it.
  • Pour in the coffee grounds (they smell great, don't they?)
  • Heat some water in the tea pot
  • Pour the hot water over the coffee grounds.
  • Put the plunger back in.
  • Let the coffee sit for a few minutes until the grounds have all floated to the top.
  • Press the plunger down until there is enough coffee on top of the water to fill your cup.
  • Pour it in the cup
  • Enjoy! Keep pressing the plunger down further if you need more coffee.

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